Two Sides
by The Mouse of Anon
Summary: Sheik is Zelda; everyone knows this, but what if the two sides of the princess tried to separate? Takes place in a combination of OOT and TP. Rated T for psychological WTF-ness.
1. Two Sides of the Same Coin

Disclaimer: I don't own anything Zelda aside from my own warped fanfics and the freaking awesomeness of my Sheikah costume that I hand made. Other than that, leave me alone for my weird crap.

Author's Note: Normally I'm not a fan of the "Sheik is Zelda" train of thought, despite it being canon, but this little fic kind of wrote itself. The inspiration for this can be blamed on a photo-shoot I did with a Zelda cosplayer; namely one picture. That picture (under the same name as this fic) can be found at my DeviantArt name, Fire-Mouse. This is sort of a psychological thing, making the assumption that yes, Sheik _is_ Zelda, but what if she had some kind of mental disassociation? Not MPD (multiple personality disorder) per se, but sort of near it without quite touching it. End result: Sheik and Zelda were once one person, and this is kind of Sheik's musing about what it was like before they were… well that'd be spoiling things, wouldn't it? In any case, yes this is a "Sheik is Zelda" fic, but it's also a "Sheik and Zelda are their own people" fic. Yeah… It's weird. And there is a second part I'm working on… Just read it, review, and let me know if I haven't completely fried your brains. C&C is always appreciated, so enjoy and tell me what you think!

WARNING: This fic _does _contain hints of a guy crushing on a guy, so don't friggin' gripe at me about it.

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Two sides of the same coin; each a reflection of the other. There was a time when we were one… Do you remember? No, of course you don't. We were so torn back then… You wanted to be the princess, the devoted ruler that thrilled in doing your best for your people. I wanted to be free. I wanted to run. I wanted to escape into the brilliant sunlight and laugh aloud while singing out every Sheikah song and praise I could think of. As one person it was hell.

When we were one you wanted to pay attention to your lessons; how avidly you listened to Impa as she lectured you about wars long past! You drank it all up with the interest of one that such things were valuable to. Not me. I'd cry in frustration and boredom. I'd get distracted. When we were one I was surprised that you ever learned anything past my continual yearning for open air and the great outdoors.

Then again it was the same thing whenever I was in combat training. I couldn't be happier as I learned some new sweeping move that was sure to impress and quick to devastate. I gladly chased after horses and took flying leaps off of high ledges without a rope for safety. With my worst stunts you'd be in the back of my mind screaming; followed by either howling or rampant sobbing as I came down off of my adrenaline high.

We never really argued back then because we _were_ the same person, and we were by no means crazy; but we were tearing our _self_ apart and we didn't even know it. We knew something was wrong as we were growing up in amongst the Sheikah. No one else was so torn in two different directions constantly. Maybe it was a hylian thing? Oh we hoped, but we found out differently after spying on hylians in my form. You were hylian, through and through. I wasn't. I was full-blown Sheikah. It wasn't as if we were two separate personalities back then, but we still knew there was something _wrong_ with us.

How could one person feel like two different people in the same skin? No one knew. Impa didn't know. Link didn't know. Once we understood that being that way, being two different minds but only one at the same time was somehow wrong, we never told anyone. Yet we knew. When my form was out, I was out. When your form was out, you were out. It wasn't strictly so; there were times as a man when you were out rather than I, and there were times (so many I've lost count) as a woman that I was out rather than you. It was just easier to try to stick to that strict division. It was viewed as 'good acting'; something to be prized in a ruler-to-be.

I had no patience for what interested you. You had no patience for what interested me. When you wanted to go sit somewhere quiet and read, I wanted to be out risking my life in reckless jumps from dizzying heights. When I wanted to sit and play my harp you wanted to tend to the little gift garden Impa gave you for our eighteenth birthday. We were good at keeping the frustration at ourself hidden. We were good at keeping anyone from knowing about the cloud of anger that hung about us constantly.

It was one big never-ending act. I can't even remember when we started 'splitting' as it has been called. Yet that first time around we could never completely split. We were still one person and we knew it. We didn't feel like separate entities, we didn't talk to each other; we were Zelda/Sheik/Zelda/Sheik/not Zelda but not Sheik/Sheik and Zelda/some bizarre mixture of both that was frantically trying to pull apart into two people and yet was completely incapable of doing so. Being attached to you was making me mentally sick; your being attached to me was making you mentally sick. Even so we struggled on, never hinting, never giving away our greatest secret; never even telling our father before he died that he had a daughter, he had a son, he had some child that was pure-blooded hylian/not hylian that was mentally losing it.

We got along of course. We had to. We were so talented at acting flawlessly when we got along. It was nice, because then the cloud of anger was gone. We were happy. We agreed. We were just one person going through their normal day as just one person. There were times where we hoped that it would stay that way; that we could remain one person and never pull apart again. It never stayed that way. Something would always happen that would have us pulling in different directions.

Like that instance with Ruto. You know the one; the one where she stormed into the throne room and started whining about monsters invading her territory and her insistence that all monsters were the responsibility of the hylian royal family to take care of. I wanted to tell her to get off her ass and do something about it herself if it was such an imposition to her. You wanted to be diplomatic and tell her that you would do your best, provided that she gave help. Could we have reached a compromise? Perhaps, if we had been given enough time. Since we didn't have that we had to send out Link to take care of it, and Goddesses know that he had long since been through more than his fair share of dealing with monsters… and Ruto.

How we hated on-the-spot decisions! Especially ones that we didn't agree on. If we paused long enough to figure out a compromise we could stand, then others would guess at our _wrongness_. They would start to realize that Princess Zelda, one of the best rulers Hyrule had seen in over a century, had something horribly wrong with her. They would begin to figure out that we were splitting, torn, slowly pulling apart and going through agonizing hell for it. We couldn't have them know. We didn't know that we wanted to be different people, but we did know that we couldn't have anybody else find out. Hyrule needed a competent ruler… even with my point of view I understood that. I took it as a matter of honor to help you keep your throne, no matter how much I hated being along for the ride. In return you usually gave me the night, when we could be free of anyone else. I'm thankful for that, even if you never knew that you were granting freedom to someone other than yourself.

It was because of our _wrongness_ that we turned down all suitors. We couldn't get close to anybody without them eventually figuring out our secret. We died a virgin; unmarried but mourned by many, succeeded by a cousin and his following family line. That isn't to say that we didn't _want_ somebody to be with, just that we couldn't.The end was peaceful, a fitting end for a glorious ruler of your stature. I never told you, though I'm sure you knew, but I was crying. You had ruled for well over seventy years, more than long enough to have been a grandmother in your own right. Because of me you never had that chance. Because of you I couldn't love. Our attachment was a sickness, but when the end came and took us, we smiled. We smiled because we knew that if anything could be done to cure our sickness, then the Goddesses would do it and free us.

We knew that with such conviction… I don't think it ever occurred to us that we'd become separate people. I think we assumed that one of us would be suppressed, most likely me, the next time we came around. So I cried. I cried because I thought I would be suppressed. I cried because I knew we would be 'healed' and that 'wrongness' about us would finally go away. I was crying, because I knew the pain would finally stop and I was so happy for that fact that I couldn't think of what else to do. And after we died and we had met our end and the Goddesses gathered us up… That was when I finally saw _you_.

Not me, not some other side of me, not some part of my mind that I seemed to be at odds with over the strangest things, but _you_. Finally the lines were clear, the distinction was clear, _you_ were Zelda and _I_ was Sheik. No more of the mangled confusion that our mind had been, no more having to lie and act as though everything was fine when we knew it wasn't. When we came to the Goddesses we were almost separate, almost unique and individual. Din, Nayru, and Farore stood over us, eyeing us, until they spoke as one. "In your life you were trapped in one body, trapped as one person. Do you wish to be separated? To each be your own person?" We gave our assent, and then they pulled us apart. Our last connection in our soul was severed.

It hurt. It hurt more than anything we had endured. It hurt more than the various broken bones we had received in our youth due to my stupid stunts. It hurt more than that scuffle with Ganondorf when we were sure that we would die. Nevermind that we had charged into that fight with the idea of getting rid of the Gerudo King before we even knew Link, with all of the idiotic abandon of a youth convinced of their own immortality. Being pulled into two separate people was screaming pain and excruciating agony, and then… a wash of relief that matched nothing we had felt before, and in my case, since.

You were Zelda and I was Sheik. Our souls were wounded, but healing, from where they had been connected. Looking at you, _seeing_ you, and knowing that you and I were no longer one, that I would not be repressed and wiped out, was a shock. We didn't even look like the same person. You had such pale skin and bright blue eyes… With my dark skin and red eyes that burned I looked like the exact opposite of you in every way. I was sheikah, you were hylian. Your first words to me, the first hint that you gave of your acceptance that we were two people rather than one, that I wasn't just a part of you, were, "Sheik… I hope that if we return to Hyrule… I hope that I can meet you. It… would be a sad thing if we never knew each other after this. Having been the same person for so long, I mean… It would be sad… to never know my other self." I agreed with you on that.

Now… Now we are separate. This time around we're different people. How sad is it that we came back as ourselves? That we came back alongside of Link to again endure a set of events wrapped up in Ganondorf? Things are different of course. This time it's hard to find the Sages. This time it's hard to know who the Sages _are_. This time he hasn't yet met me, but just like last time he's met you. I have to wonder if you remember anything of our former life. This business with Twilight Realms and spirits might distract you though. Even so, we know each other. You spent your stint among the Sheikah, just like last time, due to a scare courtesy of Ganondorf. The difference now is that we grew up as friends; separate individuals, but so, so close.

Things are so much easier… So much easier now that I can run when you're reading history, that you can just sit by and laugh at me as I go through training and occasionally make a fool of myself. Easier for you to learn now that I don't distract you with my daydreaming, easier for me to be a reckless fool and leap from the castle wall while you safely yell after me for being a suicidal idiot. Easier now that we can sit in the garden as you tend to it while I play my harp. When you ask me to play my harp for you from time to time it brings back good memories, even if back then we were just one. Just like back then I'm doing my best to help you keep your throne, as my honor dictates. It's all so much easier to do everything I have to, when you and I aren't the same person.

Now here's an interesting thought; supposing that you remember that we were once one, do you think that Link remembers me at all? I know he's the same Link as before, the soul is the same and the Goddesses have confirmed it, so do you think he remembers me? And while I know you never had any interest in him, do you think I, as a man, stand a chance? Maybe my attraction to him has to do with having been the same person as you were, so perhaps I'm predisposed to liking men. Even so Zelda, even if you can't remember being the same person as I was, do you think he'd even look my way?

Yes, even after all this time, even after we have been going through this second time around as separate people, I still look to your level-headed judgment to help me muddle through. Just as much I suppose as you rely on my capabilities to keep you protected and informed of what is going on in Hyrule. I suppose in the way we lean on each other we're a bit hopeless; but what can anybody expect of two people who once shared the same soul? Regardless, when you give me that bright, knowing smile from time to time, I'm fairly certain you remember- even though neither of us has ever said a single word. Somehow, I don't think I even need to say that I'm attracted to Link. You already know.

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Well people that's the fic. As I said, there is a second part I'm working on (more focused on their different perceptions of Link), and when I get done with it, it'll be posted as a second chapter to this. It won't really be a second chapter, just another short fic, but there's no way it'd make sense if it were separate from this. So yeah. Review please. Reviews make the Sheik cosplayer happy. -nod nod-


	2. Two Sides of a Friendship

Disclaimer: I don't own anything Zelda aside from my own warped fanfics and the freaking awesomeness of my Sheikah costume that I hand made. Other than that, leave me alone for my weird crap.

Author's Note: Okay, for the record this _is not_ the original second part of this series that I wrote. I finished writing the original second part, took a look at it, and realized that it _didn't_ fit what I was originally aiming toward for this part. Whoops. So I gave it a second try and came out with something that isn't complete crap and actually fits the "Sheik and Zelda were once one and the same and Sheik/Zelda/whoever's musing over the relationship with Link" idea. So yeah… instead of this being just a one or two part series, it's actually three… n.n;;; Yes, I'm planning on putting up the original second part of the "Two Sides" series as a third part for your viewing pleasure. At this rate I have no idea how long this series might get. Maybe five one-chapter fics in all? I don't know. If you'd like to see this thing (weird as it is) go past the third part, then throw me a couple ideas. Otherwise I'm pretty sure it's doomed to get a bit redundant. …I might have to re-work the third/original second part a bit too so it doesn't sound as crap-ish after this one. So yeah… ideas? Anybody? C & C please!

P.S.: Also, my thanks to Toyax, Sakurelle, and Hachinoko for reviewing. It's people like you that inspire me to try to write faster.

P.P.S: Another thing... the part where it mentions that Sheik teases Link about becoming a potter was inspired off of a fic I read, though I forget precisely which one. So yes, that idea is not originally mine and if whoever wrote that fic reads this: I'm sorry for jacking your idea. Full credit to whoever first wrote that, and if I can find out which fic and author I first saw it in, I'll be sure to give credit where credit is due in the next part of the "Two Sides" series.

WARNING: This fic, like the last, contains hints of a (one-sided) Sheik X Link nature. If you don't like it, don't come crying to me about it.

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Dearest, darling Sheik… You aren't sure if I remember, but I do. I remember just as much as you do how we were once one… how we were so divided and yet unable to act separately. How can I not know when we are still so closely tied? I know when something bothers you just as much as you know when something bothers me. In a way we are like twins that, oddly enough, have been born to different cultures. I _do _agree with you that this time around is far easier than the last. Perhaps I should get to my point.

Link; the Hero of Time… He was a legend long before he was born that last time. You and I both knew the legends and stories due to my studies. In your case: when you chose to actually pay any attention at any rate. We both knew that the Hero came in the past wielding the Master Sword, and that according to legend it would be so again. We both knew that according to both history and legend it would be a man named Link; always a knight in green.

I remember thinking that such a repetitive trend was actually rather sexist; why couldn't the Hero be a woman at least once? What about the obsession with the color green, why not blue or red? You however, laughed such thoughts aside. My imagination came up with some big burly yet gentle brute, the sort of man I find attractive if you'll recall, traipsing around in an entirely _too_ feminine green tunic. Your imagination filled in a much more accurate picture; that of a sly swordsman and archer of slender build quick to smile and well suited to the green that would be his hallmark. You took my assumption of a semi-comical insult, and turned it into something flattering. Back then you confused me by turning things around like that, which in turn confused you because I was confused… it was a vicious cycle.

Simply put, you romanticized the image, fantasized about it for hours on end (which was quite distracting, let me tell you). I felt nothing for your overblown fantasies when we were a child. At that point in time the legendary Hero was someone made up in our mind that you admired in the way a child will admire someone they look up to. To me all of your ideas about a hero we had never met were complete and utter rubbish. I had long since given up trying to argue sense to your side of our mind when it came to the ridiculousness of your imaginings. This of course was long before we actually met Link. It was also long before we completely understood that there was something wrong with us.

Without warning in our tenth year, Ganondorf began maneuvering to make his conquest. I would have brushed aside the feeling of threat with the childish hope that it was our mind playing tricks on us; but you were insistent that the feeling _should not_ be ignored. Your insistence saved us… and Impa as well since you were the one to insist that we tell her of the feeling. Our father wouldn't listen; letting his desire for peace blind him to the threat. It was… troubling in the least, to live in a time of peace and yet _know_ that war was just waiting in the wings for the right moment. We were wary. You focused more on your combat studies and I began cluing in to actually learn out of necessity.

That was when the dream came; our warning that the time had come. You didn't feel it, hadn't seen it, but I did. The fact that one side hadn't seen the all-important dream of Link coming out of the woods and the other had… We wanted to puzzle it out, but we had no time. No time, before Link came to us and everything was set into motion. The moment we saw him, we knew he was the one; but there was confusion. Wasn't the Hero of Time supposed to be a man? Not a boy, but a man? Yet aside from that he fit what you had long imagined, if only just. I trusted that he would grow to be the man that would save Hyrule. For me Link was the hero-to-be; a suitable confidant who would listen to what was said of my dream, and who could be trusted to act on it. He was both friend and, though I am loath to admit it, tool. I was ready to fill him in and immediately send him off on his quest.

Not you, my dearest friend. You were curious to know about the supposed kokiri. Weren't Kokiri unable to grow up and age? How could a kokiri be the Hero of Time? Wasn't the Hero supposed to be hylian? How would a kokiri be able to wield the Master Sword, much less, lift it? Did all Kokiri look like Hylian children? Could Link actually be hylian? What would happen if we just shyly placed a kiss on his cheek?

That last made us internally pause due to my wheeling thoughts. _I_ in no way wanted to get attached to the hero-to-be. If I were attached it would be an unwanted heartbreak should he die in the course of his quest; and I knew quite well how high the chances of _that_ were, thank you very much. _You_ on the other hand stubbornly pursued your random train of thought, and I began to realize that one side of us had formed a rather dangerous thought during the course of our talk with Link. You were getting a 'puppy-crush' on Link, and I wanted no part of it.

Oh you dug your heals in and nearly threw a fit when I quite firmly sent Link on his way after the brief encounter with Ganondorf in the courtyard; but as the future bearer of the Triforce of Wisdom I out-argued you and forced you to see reason. Not that we were in any way aware of each other as separate people. It was more like having an internal disagreement of _what was wanted_ versus _what needed to be done_, only to a greater degree. I know you recall that fact quite clearly.

The time came when Ganondorf laid siege to the castle and we fled with Impa, but not before giving Link the Ocarina of Time. That settled in your portion of our mind that Link was, unshakably, the Hero of Time, whatever race he may have been. Years passed and he almost became a distant memory, one that we knew would return. My thoughts had turned somewhat callous toward him- he was the Hero of Time, he would come back and do his job. We could worry about sympathy after everything was said and done. Not so for you, my most darling friend. For you thoughts of him brought on nostalgia and an incurable desire to meet him once again, to get to know him. I know several times that I caught you wondering what he would look like at seventeen and if it would be anything remotely similar to what you had envisioned before we met him.

The onslaught of puberty did nothing to help that. I tried reassuring myself that your puppy crush would have long since dissipated by the time we next met him. Yet as with all of our random crushes on others over the years; we were both forced to face the truth when we next came face-to-face with Link. Seeing him again not only did your former puppy crush not die, but instead it grew. I recognized the inherent danger in it since we had long agreed that we _couldn't_ be with anyone due to our… unusual circumstances. You recognized that danger as well, but heedless of it you persisted in being a help to him, well beyond the boundaries I would have imposed on such interaction.

I had little to no effect on the situation. It was 'your' body; therefore 'you' were the one that was supposed to be in control. The princess had no place trying to muddle through as the sheikah warrior, just as the sheikah warrior had no business interfering with the affairs of a ruler-to-be. It was an unspoken, yet thoroughly agreed upon decision for our own sanity. So _I_ wasn't the one who taught him the songs, _I_ wasn't the one who at times tended his wounds, and _I _wasn't the one who talked with Link about what he might have wanted to do once his quest was over. It was all _you_, Sheik. Your hidden smiles that lit up our red eyes, the occasional though rare tease thrown at the oftentimes frustrated hero to make him pause; all of it was just you.

Time went on through Link's quest and that Goddesses-be-damned war. The more you met up with Link, the longer you lingered and the more you fell for him. There were times I wanted to scream at you Sheik; to tell you that you were getting in too deep and you needed to pull back. You knew, and there was a certain line you never crossed, but _by the three_ you wanted to cross it. No hint was ever given to Link of course, you weren't that reckless by any means, but since we were the same person it was as plain to me as day.

You loved him Sheik, I know you did. I also knew, quite thoroughly, that my feelings toward him were by no means the same as yours. Link wasn't unattractive, he never has been, but he most certainly was not my 'type'. I was quite content to have him as nothing more than a friend, an acquaintance, or perhaps even as just one of my knights. You wanted more than that. You didn't want to just be an acquaintance or a friend: you wanted to be his confidant, his light, his reason for living. You certainly had no qualms when it came to daydreaming about sharing his bed- and you can't tell me the thought didn't cross your portion of our mind even once. I know better. I know about all of the random fantasies you had (and have) involving him. I remember all of those nitty-gritty details that your mind conjured up moment for moment- none of which shall be repeated here.

I think I even caught you flirting at him a time or two, however subtly. Whether it was exhaustion or frustration, perhaps even a mix of the two, he never noticed. It could also have easily been blamed on the fact that he'd lost seven years of his life. I know that was one of the thoughts that kept you back from doing anything too drastic. It was a fact that I was thankful for, as it kept the possible danger to _us_ at bay. If Link couldn't fall for us, if he couldn't be in a relationship because of his lost years, then he wouldn't find out about our 'problem' and we wouldn't run the risk of losing my throne and Hyrule would have a decent ruler.

It was that knowledge, that _choice_ that led me to do the one act that completely shattered your heart. Toward the end you had gotten so dangerously close to him… There was a time where you teased him over a discussion regarding what he would want to do once it ended and he could cease to be the Hero. As I remember it you jokingly suggested that he could become a potter, one of the greatest renown in all the land, and that everyone would come from the corners of Hyrule to witness his fine potting skills. That you could say something like that and Link's only response was a fit of exhausted laughter was proof of how close to him you had gotten. It was proof that, had I not intervened at the end and revealed our 'true' self to him; you very likely would have taken the most dangerous leap of our life.

You didn't act on it, but I knew how desperately you wanted to pull down the facemask and kiss him senseless. Never mind that neither of us was sure if it was his first time through the events as the child who had lost seven years; or if it was his second time through at the youth who had actually lived through the seven years as anyone else did. I callously eliminated your chances at love with much the same vehemence as what I applied for myself. I startled him and left him with a sense of disappointment that you and I were the same person, but it was nothing compared to the devastating heartbreak you had to endure as a result.

I couldn't tell you back then Sheik, but I am sorry. My dearest friend, my darling brother, my dearly beloved other self; I never wanted to hurt you like that, and I'm sorry that I had no other choice. Were our roles flipped I doubt I would have been able to forgive you, so I know how much I'm asking of you to forgive me. However, while I can't take back what has been done in a life we no longer live, I can encourage you to follow your heart in this one. Go ahead, meet him, help him, get to know Link again… Live Sheik, you owe it to yourself. Do what you will my friend, I won't get in your way.

After all, since you've chosen to encourage me in my endeavors and interests; how could I grant my other self any less?

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There be the second part of the "Two Sides" series. I'll try to get the third part up before October, but I can't guarantee anything because I have no internet at home. So please be patient and review. Reviews make the Sheik cosplayer happy.


	3. Two Sides of a Mirror

Two Sides # 3

Disclaimer: I don't own anything Zelda aside from my own warped fanfics and the freaking awesomeness of my Sheikah costume that I hand made. Other than that, leave me alone for my weird crap.

Author's Note: So everyone knows, this is the original second part I wrote that got turned into the third part. I changed the beginning a little bit and- boom- it ended up sounding better than I originally thought it did. Unfortunately I couldn't find the fic (or the author) I mentioned in my last author's note- My apologies! Still, many kudos to the genius that thought up the 'Link as a potter' thing. This one actually makes it sound like Sheik and Zelda have been writing back and forth to each other… It's weird. Then again the entire Two Sides series is weird. And yes, this is another "Sheik/Zelda/whoever is musing" chapter/one-shot fic. Anyway, I'm kind of batting around an idea for a fourth part, one that will actually have them _interacting_ in the Twilight Princess setting… Maybe with Sheik actually deciding to pursue his interest in Link? Finally? Review and tell me what you think. Who knows, you might give me a couple ideas.

P.S. To Kiafen and Toyax, thanks for the reviews.

P.P.S. Toyax brought up a point that I didn't make too clear in the last one, for which I apologize. The overall idea is that Twilight Princess occurs centuries after OoT, and that during OoT (which I'm sure everyone has figured out by now) Sheik and Zelda were one person. Since things are _technically_ in whatever age Twilight Princess takes in, that means that what this (and the last two one-shots) were just them thinking about how things used to be. I didn't intend for it to come off as they were suddenly back in just one form; thus I apologize for that confusion. As for why Zelda remembered when Sheik thought she didn't… They're two halves of the same whole; so in that aspect why should one remember when the other doesn't?

WARNING: This one-shot, like the last two, contains hints of a guy crushing on another guy, (blah, blah, blah, blah-dy frickin' blah). If you don't like it, don't read it or come bawling to me.

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So you do remember… of course I forgive you, for as you've said, "I can do no less for my other self". Yet, dearest Zelda, allow me to ponder over our peculiar former existence a while longer. While I remember our past as well as you do, I can't help looking back and realizing how bizarre that life was. I confess that I'm surprised that we muddled through as well as we did. I am… ultimately amazed that we managed to keep our sanity rather than tearing each other apart. I digress. Perhaps this final bout of musing should start at the beginning, _our_ beginning?

Being one person made things difficult for the both of us. Not just in everyday interaction, as with our father or with Impa in those early days, but in other ways as well. Goddesses above Zelda, we were trapped! I think we only became aware of our 'wrongness' when we were six. Even so… _six_ was far too young to have such a weight rest on our shoulders. Back then our… problem… wasn't fully realized. Of course our distraction cost us. I couldn't stop daydreaming when Impa was trying to teach you, and that rampant wanderlust prevented you from soaking in anything you truly needed to learn. When she first realized that we needed an outlet, that _I_ needed an outlet though no hint was given of our opposing wills, and started giving us combat training and teaching us music; I was enthralled.

Our father was dubious about the idea of training a princess to fight. Playing an ocarina or whatever musical instrument that came to hand however… he didn't see such a problem with that. Thankfully Impa didn't leave the decision of our training to our father. Instead she left it to us. When she asked us that question so long ago, I believe that was the first time I ever truly spoke up, adamantly, about anything. It was a joy that made me beam like the sun had just come out. When Father saw that determined and overjoyed look in our eyes, that was there due entirely to me, he apparently decided that it was best not to stand in our way. You had a certain amount of disinterest in fighting of course, but you learned enough to be able to handle yourself without my help; odd though it sounds.

After all, we were the same person, so how could I not help you if it came to training? How could you have a fighting level that was less than mine? That is something that I myself continue to puzzle over. Not that it really applies now, separate as we are, but it is a peculiarity that I think of from time to time. Though we didn't fully realize it at the time, you leaned on me for guidance in combat training, to learn how to protect and defend. You weren't interested in fighting yourself, but you recognized the necessity of it for a ruler-to-be. Then again, you always have been the more practical and predictive one. Where I saw an enjoyable pastime, you saw a way of survival that would _at some point_ be needed. I would be lying if I said that your foresight didn't annoy me at times.

Had we ever talked in our life I wouldn't have been surprised if we would have argued incessantly. We had a vague feeling of affection for each other in later years, even if we didn't fully comprehend it, but it was there, so we didn't outright hate each other either. To hate each other would have been to hate ourself, and that was an idea so complex and bizarre that we couldn't grasp it. Not even you with your uncanny wisdom could grasp it; but such was life. Your wisdom and your foresight proved to be a mixed blessing before Ganon's takeover. When we met Link that first time… when you told him of your dream… I was bewildered. _I_ had caught no hint of the dream. How was it that part of us knew it and the other didn't? Were we somehow possessed? You were calm as you told that forest child all; and once I came out of my confused stupor I couldn't help but study the strange boy.

By that point I had an unarticulated feeling of 'male-ness', but I hadn't truly understood it as you, my other side, the other me, was fully female. I hadn't thought about it before, hadn't even wasted a single second to think on the unusual paradox we were. Link was what brought about my questioning of ourself, and what we were. Simply put he was what first planted the hint that we were somehow more different from others than we thought; and I wanted to know _how_.

My questioning, no, _our_ questioning, was put on hold when we had to evacuate with Impa. The death of our father… it was a horrible blow. We swore revenge, revenge on Ganondorf for tearing away our happy world. Goddesses; what a fool we were. Giving Link the ocarina however, that was an inspired bit of genius on both our parts. You knew that he needed it to get to the Sacred Realm; I knew that he could use it against the monster that had destroyed our home and family. We had no qualms about giving him that ocarina; we were in agreement as to that, though Impa chided us for being so careless later. Once again when she spoke to us I came to the fore, stating that it _had_ to be done. This switching back and forth created confusion in us, as I realized you did things I didn't want to do, and you found out that I did things you _wouldn't_ do. Regardless, we had no concept of separation, just frustration as our two sides pulled in different ways.

When Impa took us to the Sheikah tribe however, and adopted us, that was when we got the truest stroke of genius. The two of us had both been working on the idea of how to stay safe, and together we came up with the idea that we would be sheikah. Not just sheikah, we would be male. Not just any typical sheikah boy, we would be an orphan that had lost his parents before being named- with a name denoting such, one that could wield _magic_. We talked to Impa, told her of the idea, and she agreed. Learning that transformation magic was a labor of love in my case; once again for you, it was a matter of survival. That first transformation was euphoric for me. I felt every inch of our skin tingling pleasantly as our skin darkened, our ears rounded, our hair brightened, and our eyes turned red. The transformation from female to male was automatic and comfortable; an unusual rarity as Impa told us. Most who did such a transformation had to think about it and concentrate on the magic to forge their body without any deadly mistakes; as they were quite comfortable with what they had originally been.

For me it was almost like being born… a breath-taking realization of all that I was and a feeling of unbridled purity and freedom. I finally understood that there was a side of us that was purely hylian, and there was a side that was purely sheikah. We were shocked to know it. We were shocked at the revelation that we were so divided though we fully knew we weren't two people in one skin. I remember after the transformation was complete how the air rattled in and out of our lungs… the ecstatic joy that roared through us due to me that was all too easily interpreted as anxiety. The awe as we took in the sun-kissed skin and the shining gold-blond hair… I could have laughed or cried or done a million other things out of sheer joy.

It was strange in those first few moments. It was like you stepped back and said, "Go ahead. This is your body, not mine. Go ahead and be who you are." I shivered. It was a first for me. We now had an idea. I was the sheikah. You were the princess. We would try to keep that strict division and put our oddities down to acting. That would be easiest, wouldn't it? So I looked at Impa, bare-faced as a sheikah is only to their parents, rare friends, and lovers. When _I_ spoke, it was with a sheikah's accent. I didn't even realize I did it, but you did. I spoke and knew how I sounded because of you. "I… am Sheik. Not Zelda… Sheik. Impa…" She smiled, from what she told us later on she thought we had picked up the accent with her. It was entirely possible, but we never told her that it felt more natural in my form. She became our adoptive mother, and the tribe was left to accept us as Sheik, the orphan boy that had been lost and wandered until Impa found us and took us in.

For seven years we lived like that, with me primarily in control. We trained, we learned. For the lessons we had to endure on history and everything you had to study to be a good ruler, control was yours. We learned everything necessary. We learned things that weren't strictly necessary, but were important to me as a sheikah. While you learned politics and history, I learned everything I could about sheikah culture, history, and beliefs. The split of princess-sheikah became more deliberately pronounced. Our 'acting' improved. Though it was dangerous to wander out of the deserts and into Hyrule, we did so on a variety of occasions; mostly at my goading. We spied. We learned. We finally came to understand that our 'wrongness' wasn't because we were actually hylian. Our wrongness was something foreign even to our native culture.

To be honest, before the first time we slipped back into Hyrule, I had started to forget what it was like to be among hylians. I had forgotten a good portion of the culture. What little grasp I had of it was courtesy of what you held on to. Otherwise the culture of Hyrule would have been as foreign to me as the sheikah culture was foreign to you. Odd isn't it? That I had so thoroughly wrapped myself in our adopted culture that I was forgetting our native one when you were not? And that we still _knew_ we were one person that felt as two within the same skin? We tried not to think about it. Trying to puzzle out the wrongness of ourself only ever resulted in a headache and no answers; so we attempted to ignore it rather than curl up alone in our tent late at night with a screaming migraine.

The oddity of our existence was bad enough, but puberty was its own hell once it hit. We had our curiosity and our interests, but we were both quite firm in the fact that _no one_ should know of our 'wrongness'. Added on top of that was the knowledge of what we went through as a man, and _knowing_ what would happen should we switch to being a woman… even you contemplated that thought with a certain level of trepidation. Growing up male, we got comfortable with having the body of one. The idea of certain uncontrollable feminine bodily functions made you a bit uncomfortable, but it made me want to be downright queasy. That of course was not the worst of it. The worst were the crushes we formed on others.

These were tendencies we fought not to act on, impulses we struggled to keep down. We were agreed in our liking for men, but our tastes were quite different. We both agreed that the men we found attractive had to have a certain level of beauty and inner strength, but that was where our agreement on the subject ended. I wanted warriors, fighters with an artistic core and a strong sense of honor, beautiful men that were well honed and slender. Your interests however, focused more on tall, broad-shouldered men with barrel chests; much like our old friend Veras. You liked hefty bruisers and melee fighters that had a gentle side; a true knight in other words. As the old saying goes, your ideals of male beauty were based off of our father. Unlike you I didn't like the idea of being with a man that towered over me. I liked witty archers and swordsmen that were closer to my height. We had our interests, those that we crushed on and admired, those that we'd pause in what we were doing just to watch them go by, but we never acted on any of it.

To act on it would have been disastrous. To act on those heart-crushing daydreams you had of being kissed senseless by someone like Veras, or for me to entertain the thought of pinning someone to a boulder like creative and mischievous Raji for just a single kiss… We both ached for such an idea at times, though admittedly for different people, in the way of such young crushes; but we knew it could _never_ happen. Better for us to remain aloof and removed to a certain degree than to get ourself into a dangerous situation that we couldn't back out of. Better to be prepared to take the throne when the time came, without such attachments, than have someone know of our wrongness and doubt our right to rule.

I hated it. I know you hated it. Of course we never let on to anyone else, our 'act' was too good to do that. Yet again, it was one of those things that we'd only express our frustration over in the privacy of our tent. I remember how we stared into our mirror on our sixteenth birthday, crying tears of aggravation from my red, red eyes with my face completely bare. You saw our sheikah reflection and felt something akin to homesickness. I saw our reflection and felt unmitigated pride at the warrior we had become. At the same time we felt anger, frustration, and a desperate need to have the continuous tug-of-war in our mind _stopped_. Looking back on it now I can't help but wonder if we somehow communicated wordlessly to each other as we stared at ourself in the mirror. Goddesses above know that we certainly eyed our reflection frequently enough for it! Whatever and however we did it, we eventually came to an agreement, a compromise, and things began to go much more smoothly for us.

That proved to be a fortunate thing when our mission finally came up due to Link finally awakening. We did our best to aid him and speed him toward that time in his life when he could defeat Ganondorf, knowing as we did from past experience that we could not defeat the Gerudo king alone, no matter how much we _wanted_ it. For you Link was a means to an end; a way to strike back at our father's killer and end Ganondorf's tyranny. I wasn't so set on Link playing his part. No, instead I remembered the forest child that had caught my curiosity when we were little; and I was curious to know what he had become. I was more curious about Link as a person, than as the Hero of Time, if that makes sense. Thankfully my curiosity reminded you of the old friendship; else you might have been less sympathetic of his plight.

Though I never said anything of it, the first time I met Link while my form was out was a thrill that has never since been repeated. You didn't feel such an instant fascination; but then again in a way you had known him longer than I had. To you Link was a friend, trusted confidant, and at the time, was destined to be a great hero when we had first met him. I however, I was fascinated. I wanted, no, _needed_ to know more about the boy that would be the Hero of Time. I suppose you could say that I had a bit of a puppy crush on him long before we learned the magic to give me my own form. To have my own form, to say of my own volition "I am Sheik of the Sheikah" was something that made my part of our soul sing. Even if that peculiar division of my fascination against your sense of duty (not to mention lack of interest) made us question our sanity, I didn't particularly care. You weren't repressed, really, but in most of the times we interacted with Link I was at the fore; running the risks and facing the danger that at times made you recoil in fright.

Getting to know the hero again… I had found my ideal of male beauty. I had found my ideal man in all aspects. I was smitten. You were completely bewildered by my occasional pining and daydreaming over Link. For you it boiled down to: yes, he was our friend, but he was the _only_ way to bring down Ganondorf. The sooner the better. Nothing could have been more confusing for you than those rare moments when we weren't fighting or going from temple to temple and we were alone. It would start off innocently enough: you would be considering tactics, what information or help should be given to Link at what time; and then I would interrupt your careful thoughts with daydreams of Link seizing hold of us, pulling down the mask, and kissing us senseless moments after having taught him another melody. To say that you got frustrated at me would have been a serious understatement.

The fact that he wasn't anywhere near your type didn't help in the slightest. It was a good thing that you did the planning and thinking during that time, because I'm quite certain I would have been an utter failure at it what with my fantasizing. Paradoxically, I knew that had you to lean on for such a necessity; so I have to wonder if I would have controlled my wandering thoughts more readily if we were separate then as we are now. I suppose in some ways I've become more disciplined since our separation. Were I as undisciplined as I was when we were still one, I'm quite certain I wouldn't have survived as long as I have. In a way, you rubbed off on me Zelda. Still, that is beside the point.

With every obstacle passed, with each enemy faced, with every moment that we came face-to-face with Link, I grew more and more smitten. We recognized the dangerous level my fascination was getting to, and we knew we had to destroy any chance that I might act on it. We knew it, and I was heart broken. Just thinking on how coldly you analyzed and knew what had to be done made me want to cry and rage against the brutal fact that it _could not be_. You weren't unsympathetic to my feelings, but you used your greater reasoning power (when it came to the topic of the hero) to remind me of the cold hard truth.

It was your wisdom that led us to reveal that 'Sheik' was 'Zelda' in the end. It was that one swift act that crushed me, and made me scream in our mind against you. That was the one, and only, time that we ever actually fought for control. It wouldn't be exactly right to say that I gave in right away; but it wouldn't be right to say that you completely overpowered me either. You were calm, confidant, sure in what you had to do no matter how much sympathy you felt for the other part of you. I was angry, upset, and in broken-down tears because no matter how I wanted to place the blame on the other half of me, I knew it was right.

Ganondorf was defeated, we ascended the throne, and Link became our friend and a 'wandering-knight'. However, in the years and decades of your rule, _you_ were the one to interact with him. I hung back because we knew I would not have been able to hold back that look of longing. He continued his exploration and heroics while we kept the throne. He was, in my eyes, akin to a god. Link was perfect, but I knew in that life that I could never have a chance to even touch him. As I've said before, when our time came to die, I was glad; because the Goddesses would fix our 'wrongness' and we would be free. Free from ourself, from our wrongness, and from each other. We would finally be free… and able to follow our hearts.

I'd be lying if I said that wasn't what I intend to do this time. After all, the worst he could tell me after I get to know him again is 'no'. Hearing 'no' from him is far more livable than having no chance at all. I think you'd agree. So wish me luck Zelda, I might never get another hopeful chance like this. In the case of the possibility that he does say no; at least I know who to turn to- and many thanks for that… my other self.

* * *

There's the third part of the Two Sides series, and the _last_ part of their 'private musing over the past'. If you'd like to see this series continue (this time with Sheik and Zelda actually interacting, maybe even throwing in Link, etc.) then please review. Throw ideas at me if you like. It would be greatly appreciated. As ever and always, reviews make the Sheik cosplayer happy.


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